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Esperando... todavía...


.


Aún aparece en mis sueños... y allí su presencia parece la cosa más normal del mundo...

Por momentos se vuelve mi debilidad, haciendo que mi corazón olvide el terrible daño que su decisión hizo...

¿Por qué mi subconsciente se doblega y pierde toda dignidad, de tal suerte que siempre me devuelvo arrastrándome a la falsa calidez de su sonrisa?

Odio saberme tan triste y tan culpable, aun habiendo sido yo la víctima... aun sabiendo que no es sino un leve síndrome de Estocolmo alimentado por la añoranza de días pasados y de momentos felices que en realidad no fueron más que invenciones mías... porque por su parte sólo eran actuaciones muy bien hechas...

Quizá lo que más detesto de mí misma en este instante, es que sigo esperando todavía esa disculpa que merezco... aquella disculpa que debí recibir hace 5 años y que he aguardado pacientemente por que llegue, día tras día... obteniendo solamente su orgulloso silencio como respuesta...

Si la escuchara de su boca, entonces tal vez, y sólo tal vez, pueda finalmente romper ese último hilo que queda, pudiendo, como se debe, exiliar su recuerdo hacia el olvido... o cuanto menos dejar de sentir esa punzada hiriente, porque, aun estando ella ausente, su traición y su cinismo me lastiman todavía...

Supongo que moriré esperando, porque si hasta ahora no ha tenido la valentía (o la decencia) de dar la cara, ¿qué me hace pensar qué en algún momento se le despertará el remordimiento o la conciencia?

Si eso llegara a suceder (que lo dudo mucho), muy probablemente ya no encontrará ni los vestigios de la persona a la que, en su tiempo, tan fríamente destruyó a pedazos... porque sólo hallará una sombra irreconocible, llena de la impasibilidad inmisericorde tan característica de quien sufre de injusticias y paga por crímenes que jamás ha cometido, hasta que no queda más que rencor y despecho en su alma, si es que podría decirse que todavía tiene una...

Cuando eso pase, si es que pasa, sólo entonces tendrá motivos para hacerme ver como villana, como hizo por tantos años... con la diferencia de que ya no le daré el gusto de verme llorar, porque para entonces no sentiré nada...

Para entonces ella habrá muerto, como murió desde el momento justo en que decidió traicionarme...




SUN & MOON... FIRE & ICE HEART... LIGHT & DARK FUSION...

 

***




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Gracias

Hola, Josue. Muchas gracias por tomarte unos momentos para leerme. Pues, como dije a Daniel en un comentario más abajo, este texto es parte de una serie de escritos que son una suerte de "crónicas de una tragedia repetida". Los demás textos los puedes encontrar en el comentario que respondí más abajo. Gracias nuevamente por leer. ¡Saludos!

"Si la escuchara de su boca,

"Si la escuchara de su boca, entonces tal vez, y sólo tal vez, pueda finalmente romper ese último hilo que queda, pudiendo, como se debe, exiliar su recuerdo hacia el olvido" Escribes con mucha pasion y sentimiento. Saludos.

Gracias

Hola, Daniel. Muchas gracias por tomarte unos momentos para leerme. Pues, la verdad es que este escrito es, quizá, una especie de "secuela" de otros más que escribí en su momento, y que sirven para entender el trasfondo de lo que hay oculto a plena vista en éste. Puedes leerlos si gustas... Son: Soltando ataduras (http://www.tonanzi.com/literatura/amigos/miriam-shakespeare/soltando-ataduras), Realidades (http://www.tonanzi.com/literatura/amigos/miriam-shakespeare/realidades), Incurable (http://www.tonanzi.com/literatura/amigos/miriam-shakespeare/incurable) y Fantasías confusas (http://www.tonanzi.com/literatura/amigos/miriam-shakespeare/fantasias-confusas); en ese orden. Gracias nuevamente por leer. ¡Saludos!